Changes

It was one of those days you don't really like, a clear sky yet sadness around. The clouds looked too lonely even when surrounded. Those type of details you only see when you are not happy. The bright and radiant sun, shining every deep corner of darkness. One place its grace didn't reach, that exact spot where I sat on the corner of my bed. I had been wondering for many many weeks days, and hours if I had made the right choices. What was the difference between the person that slept beside me and myself. We smiled the same, ate the same food, watched the same movies, even heard the same music and sermons. We had been living under the same roof so long now, that I didn't realize when I became a stranger to my own self.

I had waken up as usual, a new day, new opportunities right, well not for me; I had become too complacent that I was not ready for changes. That exact moment, I thought I could start to change, but when I saw him all that energy was gone. He looked so happy with our life I wondered how I could feel the opposing emotion. He was one of those amazing men you bearly find, the husband type -does breakfast, brings flowers and remembers important dates. A responsible man in every aspect, yet I seemed bored of this details, others would envy and love to have.

I wanted something that would bring me enthusiasm, make me vibrate with glorious fun till my lungs hurt. I was afraid to ask the man who sat beside me on the table, it is not that I feared him, but I feared the reprimand he might feel towards me if he knew how unhappy I was even when he gave me everything. I really wanted to shout, cry and remove all this emotions and smile back at him; you feel the same things he did.

Sometimes I wondered if I made him happy, or if I exhausted him, he never complained, never questioned my sick days or outings. He kept being the reliable man I had met the day I got married, even now he was not as young; he kept being a good man in all aspects. As he left for work, I turned on the television to the morning news and started another day.