A writer's Heart

If only I could talk to you like once upon a time, when you listened to my words I would. Certainly I was wrong all along. Did you ever listen? Actually you did, the fact is you never understood my words beyond simplicity.  We were never in the same symphony as much as I tried. You kept adjusting to another melody, to the one you accompany today.  If only we could play the same song just once I would tell you everything, all my reasons and the real history to what you can't understand.

Even with a blindfold she was able to describe what surrounded her. The smell of mold, dust and that chill you feel as the cold breeze hits late night. She was tired, her arms in pain but as much as she tried the ropes were too tight. As time passed her breathe increased, her heartbeats sounded louder and her body was becoming numb, she didn't know this feeling. What was happening? It wasn't a nightmare, she had been kidnapped and now fear was taking control of her thoughts. #littleWritings ❤

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward" -Soren Kierkegaard

HER TEARS SHATTERED MY HEART. I know I need to be brave and strong but I can't I love her too much. Her calling my name. I can't do anything. I am gonna be strong I can't break into tears for things like this, because its only the start of hell with the devils that surround me.

I like the DARKNESS. There's something to the feeling of not knowing your surroundings. There's something about the unknown, the quiet, the cold. There's something unspoken about the dark, something i can never quite put word to. #SomethingTerrifyingYetBeautiful .

Some secrets are worth existing.

As shattered and broken as she felt, there was no way she would let them see the tears, she wiped her face and added that smile that fooled anyone. There wasn't a person who could see beyond the mask she had so perfectly crafted to show a jolly and modeled life.

She knew she detached herself away, but it was for her own safety, her heart couldn't handle it anymore. That mere moment, she really hoped he would take a second, to show her he had cared at least a little; he didn't. It hurt, it really did, she only waited and waited, until she admitted to herself she was a fool. A fool to try to believe he once actually cared; she could see he was happy now and she wasn't even a memory anymore. He was too busy to realize that a girl who ran to protect herself ended broken once more. The saddest part is he would never know, she was gonna let all the tears wipe away the sadness she felt. At the end she needed to find strength to patch herself up and move on. The pain would eventually leave, only the scars to show the suffering felt. 😭

I am sorry for loving you...

It was never more than illusions and dreams; not goals, because it was unattainable. It would all fade away eventually, not even a trace would be left behind. Not a single connection, no hint, nothing. She was aware this had never been more than one of those temporary things that happen once in a lifetime to fill you with emotion but eventually fade away leaving just a memory of a once upon a time. She saw what would be the last view of direct contact to his mesmerizing eyes. She spoke with her heart in her hands, they were just a few feet away, but the real distance was already to much. He was there but his heart was on someone else, he spoke to her, but his desire was someone else. She recognized this, she smiled and eventually gave her last advice to him. She knew it was time to let go what she would never have, not even a little bit was ever hers. Once again she postured herself, smiled and for the last time saw him head down; she saw all the flashbacks that made her fall in love...

She was at your side, willing to lighten your darkest moments, because she didn't ever wanted you to feel alone. You gave your time to somebody else, someone you enjoyed more, someone that you preferred leaving her aside. The more her heart felt for you, the more she faded from your view. She finally realized she never even caught your sight, she was only the go to when you needed someone, actually she would have never fitted the person you wanted. She new it was all pointless, worthless and even if it destroyed her, she had to leave your side. The cruelest thing was you were totally fine with losing a person like her, because for you she was worthless. You wouldn't even realize she would leave, to be precise not have interest.

I gave up until the pain was too overwhelming, yet you never realized the emotions that drove me to suffer for so long.

They met again, she knew the day would soon come, after all it was inevitable. If your question is- Was she ready? The answer is a definite No. She would have just skipped the event to evade a face to heart confrontation. There was no going back though, she had to be there, everyone expected so and she was a people pleaser after all. She put on the best mask, a smile nobody would ever question; even so her heart trembled just to know she would see him once more. She didn't wear fancy, she would never compare herself to those who were in his view. She set her mind to not talking to him under no circumstance because she was terrified tears would fall faster than her words. She was still broken, time hadn't been enough yet, she so needed more time and she admitted her pain still controlled her. As she saw him from afar, she cried inside, the mask could dissimulate anything though. She could feel every emotion she had felt and how each was shattered by someone who would never care...

There's was knowledge of the answer all along, the fear of accepting she was never important to him sounded cruel in her mind. It crushed her, yet she felt she had no right to have this type of sadness. She didn't want to accept the facts, she wanted to hope, but she finally hit reality. He hadn't even noticed she had distanced away, or more precisely found no importance in letting her leave. He continued living life with that smile that made her heart ponder, that contagious energy that once made her jolly. He didn't had the faint idea, she had fallen in love in the wrong fairytale. His path was as if she had never existed, happiness, success and so many things with the people he truly cared for. Now she looked from afar, she felt the tears and once more broke into tiny pieces. She knew distance wasn't enough, she didn't want to ever see him again. It was for the best, her broken self had to patch itself up, clean the wounds and cure itself alone. Suddenly fla...

Human nature is a bundle of fundamental characteristics, thoughts, emotions and actions. It's something that occurs naturally from oneself, no extra effort in it. These characteristics are influenced by the norms of conduct, as well as constraints we go through. Humans can be characterized in three types positive, negative and pseudo-positive. I believe that we become who we are as a consequence of what we go through in life, from childhood to our present day. It isn't only about the norms and ethics we are taught, some grow in the best families yet aren't the most positive people. It's more about those little issues and situations that mold us into who we become. Positive people are those I describe as "authentically kind", they view life as a half full cup. They try to see the good things in everything, I consider these is a good trait, you can be happier with simple things. Optimistic people, have the virtue of having a true smile and true joy. You may s...

They had to go separate ways, just before it was too late for herself, it was the last opportunity she would have. If she waited longer she would fall deeper and she knew it would be more hurting. She couldn't deceive her heart anymore, her sorrow was hurtful enough. She didn't immediately realized this actions she was about to follow, simultaneously she decided to meet him, and without realizing gave him the last piece of advice. Too frank maybe, maybe her words hurt her more than anything. After these, the decision was made, it was the final goodbye, she wasn't going to inform him. Time would be the best to demonstrate she had parted. She couldn't go back on her choice, it hurt awfully,  panic attacks tormented her but it was done. From now on she would move farther everyday until the thread that joined them burst apart or she healed.

We want to do many things that are too late to be done. -waterboyy

"Promises mean everything, but after they are broken...sorry means nothing!"

Pain is a signal to letting go! -make it right.

Romance! An interesting topic indeed, you can see it everywhere, and many versions of it. It's quite an intriguing topic to mention. What is romance? "a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love" I really wonder where the additions society added came from, romance is associated with flowers, wine and elegant meals, song dedications, expensive or non expensive gifts and many other things. Society molds everything as time elapses and it is really amazing if you analyze to what extent romance has been taken too. Honestly I don't quite get the meaning itself, since it can be interpreted in a variety of ways. "A feeling of excitement" these words have so many ways of being understood, and it all depends on each individual. As a matter of fact if a survey is made you could actually be amazed to the results. Personally I believe that the word 'romance' is expressed inadequately many times but that is left to be determined by society. So...

~They didn't realize she was changing until she had taken them out of her life. She became colder according to them, what they didn't realize was she had limits as well. -a writer's heart~

There was so much more in her smile, that innocence that made you fall in love involuntarily. She wasn't the smartest, she even considered herself stupid, but her kindness and empathy were all.

As a human being you can give a lot, give it wholeheartedly to those you feel deserve it. Most of the times we are completely mistaken, leading to sorrow. Each time you make this error you can either become a little colder or just continue trying to see the good in people and make the same error all over again. Sometimes you can believe you have found the right friend, that person you have always hoped for, that one person you can share anything with. Suddenly, distance comes, you realize how easily they forget you, that you weren't important in their life as you thought. The minute you really needed them, they weren't there even when you sent them a thousand clues. All you needed was an "Are you okay?" yet you were so wrong and nothing ever reached. You start to realize you were there every moment they needed you, but now you have been replaced by those who give them better memories. You accept it, move on, and put them on the list everyone is in. Another acquainta...

Could love exist between a dragon and a tiger? They saw all there similarities excluding all the things that people saw as wrong. There love would be a success, because they would go side by side through the bumpy path ahead. #lesson Societies point of view is the destruction of great love stories, follow your heart and ignore the rumble.

As people stopped pretending to have a friendship with her, better the sensation of loneliness became, except on those undesirable days!

As time passed, she finally realized she was the one going the extra mile. No messages were ever received, no calls, no further communication, she finally took the courage to give up. Some friendships should end or at least left to be, the more time passes thinner the bond. The decision was made, she no longer waited or even hoped for it, for her everything was over. She finally saw, they had always been strangers pretending to be friends.

Giving up can also be a right choice in certain situations!

Sometimes it is for the best to gain distance just before it is too late. At the point before your heart takes the wrong path, because your emotions are speaking louder than your thoughts. You might really wonder what to do at this point. My answer would be, if you go through that path even if you gain some beautiful memories, there will be pain for all that illusion you are going to create. The next path might sound harsh, gain distance, maybe even cut off the friendship to a thinner line, these will make you grow and the suffering is less. At this point you haven't fallen in love with a person who only loves you as a simple friend. Not all attention means there is a love bond being created, sometimes it is just a persons way of being friendly. Don't mistake their kindness for interest and attraction to you. Be sure to understand that not because you like somebody, they have to view you in the same way.

Cultures are important, as I sat there on the bus home, I had the pleasure of viewing two complete different ethnic groups. You would consider Mestizos and Mennonites are really different, I agree they differentiate in many ways but are similar in some quite interesting ways as well. They do dress completely different, the ladies are more conservative than a common mestizo who adapt to any fashion in the market. I won't get into the beliefs, but more on their human interaction between one another. The Mestizos don't interact at all with the Mennonite ladies, it is as if they both were aliens to one another. I agree the language is an issue that cuts communication, but further than that many Mennonites speak English and Mestizos too. Yet they don't even try an interaction, not something simple as a smile or the common manners of good morning. Mestizo ladies feel confident to speak a conversation within them, they talk about life, how they spent the morning shopping and many ...

Lately I have seen death so frequently, seen pain and sorrow. I can't say I feel the pain the families are feeling, but I can feel there sorrow, desperation and frustration. I hear the frequent comforting verses people say, like "He is in a better place" or " He won't suffer anymore."  I feel that hearing it makes your conscience feel better, but the pain in your heart is still unbearable. I consider that God comforts the heart, the deepest sentiments and emotions. As humans the despair is deep, the tightness inside; the memories, all as flashbacks one after the other. All the thoughts telling you that they are gone forever. The unbearable feeling that you are going to explode, and all the tears that come without you even realizing it. Even when you try to be strong and honor your loved ones life, the tears are all inevitable. I believe that if you need to scream, do so, cry everything out. If you want to lock yourself for a while, do so, tell God to give ...

Can sadness be a direct link to happiness? My answer is there is less than a degree within them. Sadness are those dark moments that mark our life with bruises, that we cover with walls we use to protect ourselves.  While  happiness is a comparison to what a child feels when they get a new toy, that jolly emotion that makes you want to jump and explode. The most sorrowful moments in our life are what make us a person full of barriers,  someone with bruises that need to be finally opened, and let heal for good. Every time we accomplish one of this we are a little happier. Each scar is a proof of the hardships in life, the battles we fought, suffered and survived.

There was a little smile after so much sadness. Could anyone really understand what she was going through?  That emptiness, that tightness in her heart, that sorrow, that despair and that frustration she could no longer contain. The desperation, the increased heartbeat, that sensation that you are going crazy! Anxiety!

How can death be described? There isn't a direct answer, no right or wrong response. Every person has a different description for this 5 lettered word. Theoretically it is when your heartbeat ceases to function..... Death! The deceased individual feels no further pain, not physical or emotional. It is sleeping without having to ever wake again; no more need for oxygen or food. There is no further suffering, no emotions to be felt. At that point you aren't aware of what is happening around you anymore. You can not hear the cries or see the sadness in your loved ones as you have parted the world of the living. You just lay there, in a suite or dress as every person that knew you passes by your coffin to see your cold, pale body one last time. I believe death itself is sadness, even if a Christian or not, there isn't a better word to describe it. I could never be happy somebody died, even if it was a consequence of a disease, an accident, a suicide, a murder or just age. ...

Rational and composed, a possible philosopher if desired, someone who can see beyond the simple words and enjoys the more sophisticated ideas. Can a person be described like this? Yes! A person's strength is what allows them to be admired, the talents, the virtues and the personality. The amazing things about them, usually the book cover, the design, the color and the title; yes those are what every person easily see's. Yet how often have you ever went beyond the book cover in a library book? Believe me what's inside each book is yet more inspiring and perfectly written. Open that book and realize that the first chapter is the opening to really getting to know that person. The sequel of chapters will open your mind to every wall created by that individual for protection against excruciating moments they went through. As you continue you will start to know the real story, the weakness and how persevering that person has been. I have realized that sometimes taking a boo...

She had started over thinking, she was not happy of the actions she repeated, that gut feeling again. Desperation, anxiety and self pity for her actions, how did she permit herself to commit the same mistakes again. You might wander if what she did is that terrible to make her this frustrated. The answer is simple, it's not something that will kill her humanly, but emotionally it destroys her every time she falls for it. She knew she had to stop, she had that right but again she let herself go to far. Her mentality keeps seeing things as a game she has to be better at and that weakness is used by the wrong person. The simple fact that she allowed herself to be manipulated into it shows how powerless she can be. How can someone so strong willed, be so foolish and let herself be ordered without contemplation and be jolly about it? Its quite incomprehensible how she lets this happen when her desires where to never repeat such actions and move forward. She is aware that every memor...

It was his usual routine, take a short run, smoke a cigarette or two, and sit for a while in the park. He was well aware that the cigars had already started to affect his lungs; he felt the shortage in breath as he ran but he just needed it after all the days stress. How can a father stand the pain of seeing his daughter being slaughtered on tape by some murderer? A man who is on the run and the police have no information on. Its an open case with no results, and all the pain of seeing your wife in deep depression. Having a three year old child who is really innocent and doesn't deserve to pay for somebody else's sins. It's not an easy life, try to smile to your son and tell him, "Mommy is sick but will be fine soon." Yet you know she has lost her reason to live, and you have no idea how give her that desire when yourself feel hopeless.

As she rested, her mind suddenly started to wander of, as absentminded as usual. She had forgotten where she was and her imagination started again, the sky was too cloudy not to realize a heavy rain was coming soon. She started to hurry home, but as usual lost her track as her attention was captured by a small cat that was wandering off. The first thing that came to her mind was, the kitten lost her mommy. She had forgotten she had to get home herself and started to follow the kitten, into the near forest. The deeper she went into the forest, darker it started to get, without realizing it she lost track of the cat. She wasn't afraid even so and started her way back out, after walking for a few minutes she realized she had gotten lost. The night was soon coming and for the first time that day she realized she should have gone straight home. She sat under a tree and started crying without contemplation knowing nobody was around. Everything started to tremble and suddenly she...

He was a normal guy, actually nothing other than the ordinary, at least nothing that would attract her, but she was a little crazy, not confident but too idle to lay still. So they met by the weirdest casualty, one friend introduced them, she got anxious and so the story begins. She eventually got his number and not long enough realized what a jerk and play boy he was, not that she would eventually mind. Her love for games was too much that she wouldn’t let herself fall in love with him, all she needed was a little extra fun. The evening messages always led to nothing, and she got bored too easily, but eventually she realized how accustomed she had become to talking to him. Even though  he never made a good conversation that was worthy of her time, always the foolish talks of a man with an ego bigger than anything. According to him he spiced it up with conversations only men create, there hormones speaking and not their brain. The problem was she did got captured by those,...

Soft and gentle, how can something that simple make someone that jolly. Her smile wasn’t on her face, but if you saw her brown eyes you could see a sparkle that wasn’t there before. Her soul and heart danced to the memory of that little feeling, she felt all that emotion in one second from something she didn’t expect, something she didn’t even dare to dream of. She always knew she shouldn’t ever dare to feed that feeling, she still knew that even after this she shouldn’t ever expect more. But her broken self desired to dream even if it was just a little, dream for what she knew was just something with no probability of ever being. She knew that scientifically it was not possible, so she never expected anything else.  If it ever came to love, it was just that sometimes even when she didn’t desired it, she unconsciously cared more for him than herself, even though she could never open up to him. She couldn’t allow herself to love him, no all she could ever do was care for him, as t...